I have not been posting about my personal thoughts and how I've been feeling for the longest time ever. I've been reserved, toned down, and quiet regarding my thoughts or else I might just feel that anonymous and random people may chance upon this domain and comment as they wish. I build walls around me only people close to me would know.

But I have spent a few months of solid quality time with you. I hate to feel this way, dependent and helpless, when I swore to the world I would never become of this when I'm attached. Well at least, I'm still pretty proud of myself I am not like some other girls who will just die without their other half. Not that I am super dependent, I feel that I could be more independent.

Think I'm going to miss how we've been spending the weekdays together lazing around watching old movies talking nonsensical stuff and whatnot, feeling so carefree. Now that I've got school and you're enlisting in a week, we'll never get to spend the weekdays like we used to anymore...

May the odds ever be in our favour hahaha.

How is it like to be 20?

Not exactly the most exciting I would say. Not that I didn't enjoy the celebrations but I am dreading school, especially the traveling part. This is only the beginning and I barely scraped through Week 1 but I hate traveling 1hr 45min in just one trip. Coming home is another problem. I have never spent more than 10 minutes traveling to school all my life but....

Not to mention, school scares me. I mean, how can one survive without tutorials? I am being taught in lecture hardcore for 5 days a week for 3 hours over the same module and after one week they are done teaching me, I am given 6 donkey months all by myself to complete a report without ANY guidance... Intimidating isn't it..? Well at least to me it is. Never like to be thrown aside and be independent in this aspect. How would this even help me in my work next time...? All these are perhaps, at most, training you to have insights & perspective in these industries and other than that, it's just a form of disciplinary studies.

I know, I am whiny. I can't help being whiny and I've been whiny to the people around me. That's because I'm still adapting to everything unfamiliar :( I still don't feel good in school, 3 hours lecture bores me and I zone out and lose focus.

I really hope I can adapt to this ASAP so I can get on my feet and bloody move on with (school) life.

6th July 2012.

I spend my last few moments (45 minutes from now, to be exact), as a teen. Not that I want to make it sound so dramatic, but just thinking of what school & life has taught me, I have grown a lot more since. Walking down memory lane & I just feel sentimental about it.
They say, when you hit the big "two", before you even know it, you'll be 30 already. Who knows I would still be alive...? Looking old, saggy, wrinkly, haggardy, and what not. Who knows I would be a mother of two by then haha. I always envy my parents, want to get married by 28 and have one girl first, and one boy after.

Moving ahead, now that I am turning 20, I really have a lot in my mind, not to mention that my holidays have officially come to an end, leaving me with the weekends to enjoy before I start my first day of University next Mon, 9 July. I am scared, really. Despite having a handful of familiar souls I am comfortable with, I still have a phobia of hanging in a new environment which I would call it my second home. There are still others I have yet to meet and University scares me. As childish and immature as it sounds, I don't wanna grow up. :(

Nevertheless I had fun these two days with my girls and Chester. I really appreciate every one of them in my life and I cannot imagine what would I be like without these people.

After the endless train of thoughts, I have come to conclude that we should Treasure Yesteryear.