well done.
to hell with those decisions made early this morning.
i should have jolly well followed my mom for her hospital checkup.



i tell you something.
ST HILDAS B DIVISION GIRLS, NUMBER 7 NOT PLAYING.
SHE'S A RESERVE.
and thats me.
i seriously dont get it. what did i do to deserve this uh?
im not bragging or anything, just stating facts:
FOR THE PAST 6 AND THREE QUARTER YEARS, i've never laid that ass of mine on the bench for the whole match.
mind you, i said MATCH, not SET ehh.
that decision, caused drastic changes. some were happy. i wasnt.


this is the worst day of my life, really.
the feeling is like losing a loved one, seriously.
when mom was admitted into hospital, i was still into volleyball.
i didnt visit her.
heartless eh? NO.
as i've said, volleyball is my passion.
now, there's no motivation.
i cried the whole day.
early in the morning, decision carried out, spoiled my mood.
all i could do was cry.
disappointments? yeah, but i wont give up just as yet.
to think i had such high hopes.
and now, im some idiot on the bench waiting desperately to get sub in.
hey its just an opinion of myself on the bench. im not referring to others.
overseas for a holiday trip?
nay, i sacrificed them so that i can make it for training.

im not being selfish.
i just want to play, BADLY.
i know many people want to play too.
you all seriously dont know how i feel. so just lend a sympathetic ear and dont try comforting me.
take 5 years of my life away. i just want to play for the last year.
i dont care, even if it takes 10 years.

p.s. im not blaming anyone. im just dissatisfied the way the new formation is.

anyway, went to church after that with swollen eyes.
tmr leading for worship. sung.
those lyrics really want to make me cry.

went home, bathed.
met my lovely spastics. thankyou for lending those sympathetic ears, i really appreciate it.
you all are still the best, i love you.
i couldnt help breaking down again.
like, cmon lah. i dont know if you all(readers) think im crazy or what.
cry cry cry, got nothing better to do is it?
trying losing your spouse of 7 years.
volleyball isnt my spouse. take it as an analogy.

okay, then went to peilin's church for some event.
along with fiona, deanna and xinying!
yup, the video was great.
i really wanted to cry.
the guy motivated me. im gonna carry on.
im gonna fight my way out okay.

then went to mac, slacked there till like 9.45.
then went home.
i feel great with my spastics. i really dont know how to thank you all.
thank you so much.


a big thank you to those who tried to comment on my mistakes. i'll change them.